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Trying to maintain a balance of emotional healthy acceptance and throwing myself into planning, ideas, work and exercise, while dealing with being in a hardcore desert state, where it is still 80c at 2am.
Heck.

I am melancholy but floating on hope.

I had... fun yesterday.
I am enjoying making things. It makes me feel more confident in my abilities.

I have been Marie Kondo'ing my life lately, "Does this bring me joy?" - and then debating whether or not to keep the joyless thing - which has induced a lot of unexpected introspection. Why do I do things that don't make me happy? Why do I hold onto ideas that I feel like I must complete for the sake of other people's expectations, at the expense of my own wellbeing?
I am doing something now that makes me happy, and it is not what people would expect of me - but it was fun.
Sometimes I get so caught up in wanting to do certain things that the actual spark of joy for it dies out, and I am left trying to pour myself into something I am not passionate about, but feel pressured into. That feeling is awful.

I am greatful to have this chance to try new things - to dare to dream.

I recently started a new position, and it is much more in line with my drastically changed life-goals. I am enjoying it. It is engaging, requires a much different skill-set to my previous job, the pressure is much less, it is creative and requires technical practice and vision - things I used to dislike so thoroughly in a working environment. I liked order and absolutes, not free-thinking and creativity... yet here I am.

My boss likes me and wants to upskill me, which is amazing. They mentioned enrolling me into professional classes, so I can gain more skills to better help them - which works for us both, as I can apply the lessons to home/recreation AND in a future professional sense, if Judgement and I go ahead with an idea we have had.

I have to be patient for a bit longer, and I am trying to hold on to positives - like my new job.




We had the most amazing time overseas. I just have to get through the next few months, and things will be right as rain.

COMMENTS

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SireKitsune
22:59 Feb 18 2019

Woot woot!!!

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